Comforters Pray

One of the most powerful, caring, comforting, and hopeful things you can do for and with someone is to pray for and with them.

Job, for whom the Bible book Job is named, suffered in very short order incredible loss, grief, and pain. His wealth was taken, his children were killed in a tornado, his health collapsed, his reputation took a hit, and his positions of honor and respect evaporated.

He did have three friends who showed up, sat with him in silence for seven days, weeping, mourning, grieving with him. It took Job all those days before he could gather the words to speak. Life can shatter you like that. When he finally poured out his torn-up heart the words were bitter, full of questions without good answers, wishing he had never been born in the first place.

After Job finished, his friend Eliaphaz should have prayed for him, but instead, he felt the need to set Job straight, insisting that there had to be a connection between all this misfortune and tragedy and some fault of Job. Did I mention Eliaphaz should have prayed for and with Job? Why?

In pain, loss, sorrow, grief, and suffering God can seem so far away, so detached, so on the wrong side of things. Job didn’t need correction, he needed comfort. He didn’t need a theological argument, he needed assurance of God’s presence. He needed someone to take his hand and lead him into the throne room of the Almighty. Because the first and best thing about real prayer is that it is coming into the presence of God.

Prayer isn’t some magic wand that somehow gets us whatever we ask, gets us out of every jam, guarantees our preferred and perfectly imagined outcome. It is, however, immediate access to the very presence of God. When life is hard, the circumstances are bitter, the situation is confusing, the pain is unbearable, the grief is crushing, the tears have run out, neat explanations are missing, the thoughts are tormenting, then there is no better place to be than in the presence of God, “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most” Hebrews 4:16 (NLT2)

Eliaphaz thought Job needed answers more than the presence of God, more than the abundant mercy and grace found in God’s presence. He thought it was more important to talk about God than to God.

Job found no comfort in Eliaphaz’s dissertation. You would think the other two friends would have picked up on that and suggest that maybe praying together would be a much better way to go. They didn’t, but they should have. The three never did pray with and for Job. Prayer should have been the first thing, not the forgotten thing, the left-out thing, the not so important thing.

Maybe you’re saying, “I’m not very good at the praying thing.” Why not? You do not have to be “good at it” to start praying and you will never get “good at it” by not praying. Prayer is meant to be a central practice and habit of the Christian life, we should be devoted to it (Acts 2:2), learn it (Luke 11:1), and be continually engaged in it (1 Thessalonians 5:17). We, all followers of Christ, are all called to be priests, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light” 1 Peter 2:9 (NLT2). Priests are called to serve both God and people. They should be familiar with being in God’s presence, leading people into God’s presence, and be practiced in prayer. We are never not priests, so don’t wait for someone who you think is more spiritual, like the pastor, to lead the hurting, mourning, grieving soul in front of you into the presence of God. Take his or her hand, look him or her in the eye and say something like, “How about I pray with you?”

Here are a few pointers I find helpful in praying for the hurting and grieving:

• I can trust the Holy Spirit, the Chief Comforter (John 14:26), to guide me.
• I consciously avoid praying mindless fluff, pop-theology, platitudes, sentimental ramblings, and giving false hope.
• I pray solid scripture truths I know for sure, beginning with what is true about God. I want those who hear my prayer have a sense of whose presence we are in.
• I pray biblical promises that apply.
• I pray for specifics I’ve noticed by listening and observing.
• I pray about the pain, sorrow, confusion, questions, fears, … in an as personal and empathetic way as I know how. I do so because it is important and right to spill out our hearts in the presence of God.

Brother and sister in Christ, be the priest/ess, the comforter, God has called you to be – pray with and for those who are shaken, hurting, mourning, and grieving.

            To God be all glory. Love you, Pastor Hans

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Be a Comforter

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion (mercies) and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV, parenthesis mine)

 You and I are created in the image of God, which encompasses our incredible and beautiful capacity to love and care for each other. It is not a matter of if but when you and I will experience loss and grief and will have a need for comfort. Nor will it be a matter of if but rather when you and I will be called on to engage with someone else’s loss and grief, to contribute comfort with our capacity to be compassionate and merciful, and use our own experiences of being comforted.

Since it is not a question of if but when, the most important thing to focus on is how.

1. Simply show up. Be there.

The word comfort in the scripture above is about coming alongside, being a paraclete, which is what the Holy Spirit is called. The thing about God is that He doesn’t shun or bail on people who are going through the pain of loss, are reeling with sorrow, are stricken with grief. He shows up to comfort them. “Blessed (by God) are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” Matthew 5:4 (NIV).

Nothing much happens unless we show up, and it doesn’t matter how many tools we have in our comforting toolbox, being a tool in the hand of “the God of all comfort” is enough to get started. Will you feel uncomfortable, won’t know what to say, be at a loss at what exactly to do? Yes, you will. But the Holy Spirit, the Master Comforter, will not be at a loss of how to use you, your capacity to love and care, and your own experiences of loss, grief, and being comforted. Showing up in itself is a way of comforting.

2. Speak truth.

“Therefore comfort one another with these words” 1 Thessalonians 4:18 (NASB). Actually, let me back up, don’t say much at all. Especially stay away from talking about yourself, explanations of the why, platitudes, and theologically hollow sentimentalism. Job, the man in the Bible who lost his wealth, children, and health in short order, was blessed by his caring friends showing up to be with him in his pain and grief. Yeah! The trouble started when they opened their mouths to explain to Job why all this tragedy had struck him. They should have stayed quiet. On the other hand, the best person to point someone to in their sorrow and grief is God. Not because He will answer all our questions or make it all go away, but because there is no one better to lean on, to be anchored in, to be held by. So, speak and pray the truth of scripture, carefully, tenderly, and without being preachy.

I have also found that since God gave us two ears, it is best to listen before speaking, especially when with the hurting, the grieving. Words of truth are much better given and received after listening and being listened to.

3. Use your experiences of being comforted.

Mel buried the love of his life, Aggie Lou, and he was lost and paralyzed in his grief. He couldn’t deal with the paperwork, the bills, simple stuff he had done all his life. Gerry, who had buried two husbands, showed up at his doorstep. Did she want to be there? Did she know Mel could be a handful? “How about I help you with that,” she said after she noticed the pile of papers and envelopes on the table. She knew what it was like, and she was a bookkeeper, and she went to work, comforting.

Comfort isn’t just administered through words but also through using our hands, our skills, through doing simple stuff that is both thoughtful and helpful.

“… we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

            To God be all glory. Love you, Pastor Hans

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Jesus Wept – Grieving Towards Joy

Jesus wept. John 11:35

Weeping is appropriate at the grave of your good friend, child, spouse, relative, …

Weeping is appropriate when you are told, “I am leaving you for someone else,” when you are abandoned, rejected, and despised.

Weeping is appropriate when the doctor gives you, or someone you love and care about, some very bad news.

Weeping is appropriate when you get a call from jail in the middle of the night.

Weeping is appropriate when someone you trusted has hurt you, used you, abused you, slandered you, betrayed you.

Weeping is appropriate when you are in pain, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Weeping is appropriate when violence, injustice, and evil touch you.

Weeping is appropriate when you are at your wit’s end, at the end your rope, hanging on by a hair, are helpless, and alone.

Weeping is appropriate when hit by the tragic, traumatic, overwhelming, heart-wrenching, brutal, and shattering.

Weeping is appropriate when your business goes under, your job is canceled, your livelihood falls apart, your dreams die, or disaster strikes.

Weeping is appropriate when evil thrives, wrong rules, goodness is laughed at, and righteousness is spat on.

Weeping is appropriate when it is our sin, our wrongdoing, our bad decisions, our evil that are the source of sorrow and grief to God and others.

Weeping is appropriate no matter the source of the pain, sorrow, and grief.

Jesus wept.

I’m not a good weeper. Some have their bladders mounted behind their eyes, and some, like me, have tear glands smaller than a mouse’s. But, Jesus wept, publicly, for all to see and hear. He was gripped with deep sorrow, not, as those standing by assumed, over his friend Lazarus’s death, whom he raised from the dead moments later, but over the relentless reality of death itself, the stubborn unbelief surrounding him, the lostness of humanity altogether. He felt the weight, the wrong, the need, the cost, and the grief of God over all of sinful and dying mankind. He didn’t get mad like Moses or became cynical, stoic, apathetic, pragmatic, pessimistic, or polemic like so many others. Instead,

Jesus wept.

He didn’t bypass the cemetery, death, and loss, nor the weeping, pain, and grief of others, nor his own grief. He wept. That’s more than just a few tears and then sucking it up. That’s not closing your eyes, ears, and heart desperately trying to quickly run out of the “valley of deep darkness” – “the valley of the shadow of death.” That is walking through that valley where we are meant to weep and grief at the pace determined by the shepherd for the entire length of the valley. Mercifully, it is also the valley we can completely count on and depend on God, on Christ, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, the valley of deep darkness, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” Psalm 23:4 (NASB, italics mine). Sorrow and grief meet us at the dead-end of loss, brokenness, regret, senselessness, and meaninglessness. But not so in the hands of God, with his presence and the tip of His staff He both comforts us and leads us through to the other side, to life that is victorious, filled with purpose, and dripping with meaning, despite, and shaped by, pain, sorrow, and grief.

Jesus wept.

Which also means He stopped weeping. It is a good thing to be comforted in sorrow, for, “I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief …” Psalm 6:6-7 (NASB), to come to end, to be lifted out of grief, “Weeping may last for the night, a season. But a shout of joy comes in the morning” Psalm 30:5 (NASB, italics mine). Grief is never meant to be the final destination. It is good to remember that are also tears of joy.

            To God be all glory. Love You, Pastor Hans

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Grief

 It was a scorching hot day. Only a handful of people had come to the old country cemetery and were huddling in the shade of an oak tree in front of a casket suspended over an open grave. His ex-wife had called, asking me if I would come and officiate, “Since I knew him,” which meant I had spoken with him a few times. It also meant I knew he had had a mean, hard-drinking, lonely, and godless reputation.

 After the casket was lowered and before I spoke the closing prayer I asked if anyone wanted to say something. No one did, except a young woman, “I’m his daughter and want to say something,” she said while taking off her sunglasses to look straight at me, “I’m glad the miserable, &#@%* SOB is dead. Too bad it wasn’t sooner.”

 That was a lot of grief, long pain, and bitter sorrow spilling out at that graveside. I believed her; she clearly wasn’t mourning her father’s (I am certain she wouldn’t call him Dad) death. Nevertheless, she was mourning, she was grieving. Awful and unspoken things of the past, unhealed wounds filled with angry and bitter puss, a boiling pit of what should’ve and what could have been, birthed those harsh and bitter words. She was in her car driving off before I finished and dismissed the rest.

 They are buried next to each other, my younger brother Friedrich, my Mama, and my Dad. Each leaving a different fingerprint of grief. Fritz, the kindest most thoughtful person you could ever meet, a gift of a brother, became mentally ill at 23 and tragically took his own life. My Mama, beloved by all who knew her, exceptional in all the best ways, a saint to my brothers and me, struck down by a heart attack. My Dad, a conglomeration of paradoxes, contradictions, and conflicts – a very, very mixed bag. My brother’s innocence and helplessness did not lessen the grief and pain. My Mama’s love and goodness did not spare us life-shaking grief and deepest sorrow. My Dad dying with his mixed bag in hand also meant the opportunities to write a better ending were gone. Grief extends over losses in the past, the absence in the present, and things stolen from the future.

 In this life there is no escape from experiencing grief, feeling the pain of loss, and becoming a source of and contributor to someone else’s grief. The first death in the Bible is not of natural causes at a ripe old age. No, it is the murder of Abel at the hands of his own brother, Cain (Genesis 4). So much loss, pain, and grief. An outstanding life ended, a family torn apart, two parents’ hearts ripped out, the murderer son in the grip of evil, memories of the past filled with pain, the future cheated and changed.

 When it comes to death, loss, sorrow, and grief, nothing has changed since the days of Cain and Abel, the ocean of tears keeps rising, the echo of weeping is adding voices. But there is also another reality that is unchanged, both hope and comfort can be found in the living eternal God and the victor over evil, sin, and death, Jesus Christ.

 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLT2)

 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57 (NLT2)

 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26 (NASB)

 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:3-4 (NLT2)

 There is no one better to turn to in your grief, no matter what kind, than the God who gives us life and breath, who cares more about us than we can imagine. There is no one better to cling to in our grief than Jesus Christ who won the battle we cannot win and vanquished the despair we cannot escape.

            To God be all glory. Love you, Pastor Hans

P.S. A 13-week GriefShare group is starting up this Wednesday, March 2^nd, 6:30 pm, @ our church. For more information contact me 209 247-9235.

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